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I did not say personals...but these are funny.
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 Years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel - 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
Free puppies...part German shepherd - part stupid dog
German shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... Been out awhile.. Better be reward.
1 Man, 7 woman hot tub $850/offer
Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale... Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
Tickle me Elmo, still in box,
comes with its own 1988 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent condition $6800
Cows, calves never bred... Also 1 gay bull for sale.
83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000
Star wars job of the hut -- $15
Soft & genital bath tissues or facial tissue 89 cents
Full sized mattress. 20 yr. Warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.
For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man) - $50
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call 'Chubbie '
Bill's septic cleaning "we haul American made products"
Shakespeare's pizza - free chopsticks
Hummels - largest selection ever "if it's in stock, we have it!"
Get a 'little john' the traveling urinal holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.
Harrisburg postal employees gun club
Georgia peaches California grown - 89 cents lb.
Nice parachute: never opened - used once slightly stained
Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
American flag 60 stars - pole included> $100
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
Exercise equipment: queen size mattress & box springs -$175.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer & dryer $300.
Lawyer says client is not that guilty.
Alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember
Gas cloud clears out taco bell.
Open house- Body Shapers Toning Salon, free coffee & donuts
Kellogg's pot tarts - $1.99 box
Fully cooked boneless smoked man - $2.09 lb.
For sale by owner complete set of encyclopedia Britannica. 45 Volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 Or best offer, no longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Ground beast: 99 cents lb.
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